<3

i'm pathetic.

i write all of these lovely things about you,
and they still don't seem to matter.
peace on the street.

i have to accept the fact that there are some things i will never be good at.

my words and actions are useless. there is no comfort in knowing that whatever i do or say will ever be enough.. for anyone. that's why i've been depressed. that's why i can't open up. that's why i want to dissapear. will i ever trust, and more importantly will i ever be trusted? i need more than i'm needed, and i want more than i'm wanted. most importantly i'm more of a dissapointment than i've ever wanted to be. i don't know how to pick myself up, and neither does anyone else. all i can do is get through this again, it's going to take everything i've got because right now i don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. i have a feeling that someone is slowly closing the door to my life.
peace on the street.

seconds. minutes. hours. days.

my head on your chest,

i'm tracing crop circles into your skull -

i wonder if you can hear my heart;

you say it's beating "i love you, i love you."

that may be true,

but i think it's saying "don't leave me, don't leave me."

because everyone always does

and i'd like you to stay.

peace on the street.

love of mine.

i've got a lot on my mind, and this sudden urge to write to you.

i don't know what it is i want to tell you. no, that's a lie.

i know exactly what it is i want to tell you, but i don't know the words to say it.

there are no words to describe this feeling.

those words i've already used, well, they're said too much.

i've got writers block, and there's no dictionary or thesaurus that can help me.

peace on the street.

where has the time gone?

sometimes i over-exaggerate. 

and sometimes i cut myself short. 

when does it all come together? 

this life is a mere glimpse of what is yet to come. 

what am i talking about?! 

who knows what is next to come;

i can only sit here and wait to find out. 

as of right now i'm more content with life than i have been in years. 

needless to say, i still do not know where i am going. 

but for once i am not afraid of the unknown. 

instead i bask in the fact that i have all the time i need, 

and all the people i want to spend that time with. 

in such a short amount of time i've found exactly what i'm looking for.

and such short time has felt like an eternity.  

time is of no essence to me. 

i've always wanted to believe that, and i've always told myself i have. 

i can finally believe in the things i tell myself, for they are no longer lies. 

peace on the street.

i feel

for once. 

i hope this will only get better.

<3

peace on the street. 

november 14, 2008.

considered the worst day of my life. 

i was reading through older blogs. 

that's the day i met you. 

peace on the street. 

all is forgiven.

i'm going to church on sunday. 

finally, for the first time in a couple of years. 

i think it will make things a lot better. 

good things happen when i go to church. :] 

peace on the street. 

don't forget your daily cup of calm.

have you had yours? by kiwii.

don't go.

lately, i've been thinking. 

i want to indulge in a far away vacation. 

to a tropical island? 

no, i've been there done that. 

i would much rather go to a busy city. 

some where i can distract myself from every day life. 

where i don't have to think about what to do next

because, instead, it's right there standing  in front of me. 

maybe i don't have to go that far. 

maybe it already is standing in front of me. 

this is the start. 

the start of something. 

what it is, the answer is unclear.

peace on the street.

use your imagination.

create by kiwii. 

where in the world is.. kiwii?

i'm back, and better than ever. 

sorry for the short fall out, but you'll be happy to know i've got a lot more on my mind. 

i have so much to say and so much space to say it in. 

i can't wait. ;D

peace on the street. 

h8.

i hate myself for wanting to believe in all the lies you've ever told me. 

for wanting to believe in you. 

for wanting you. 

for wanting who i thought you were. 

for wanting who i thought you could be. 

for wanting. 

peace on the street. 

and there's my cue to leave.

strange (not so cute) boy in plaid: can i dance with the both of you?

me: no. 

strange (not so cute) boy in plaid: you're both very beautiful! 

me: thanks, i know! 

strange (not so cute) boy in plaid: so is that a yes or no? 

me: a no. 

strange (not so cute) boy in plaid: i'll show you my underwear.

me: i don't want to see your underwear. 

strange (not so cute) boy in plaid: will you show me yours? 

me: no. *walks away and leaves* 

and folks, that was the ending to my night. enjoi. 

peace on the street. 

my life on a daily basis:

peace on the street. 

one word: life.

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."
-R. D. Laing

probably one of thee best quotes i have seen in a while. 

//exprss urslf. 

peace on the street. 

mad tea party.

"The only people for me are the mad ones.
The ones who are mad to love, mad to talk, mad to be saved;
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing,
but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles
exploding like spiders across the stars."

- Jack Kerouac

I also crave adventure, spontaneity, passion, and intensity.

peace on the street. 

i've got a question.

peace on the street. 

you selfish biitch.

so what. 

i said it. 

peace on the street.

and the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round.

Back to that same old routine: Alarm goes off, go back to sleep, get up late, put on clothes, fix hair, leave for class. Until i start learning something remotely interesting, school will continue to be on my D-list. I mean seriously now, why do i have to take classes that i already took in high school? This makes me question, what was high school really for? What is college really for? Should i not be able to get a good job and simply work my way up? I think that would be a much better path rather than learning all of this useless information i will never actually need in life. Tell me government, what are your plans for my future? Why are you doing this to me?
peace on the street.

Hello 2009.

You've already began to open many new windows for me, and have shut many others. 
You've already let the sun shine through.
The year has just began, and now's a time to start fresh.
Can't wait to see what the year has in store for me.

peace on the street.