one.

sometimes it just takes that one person, that one old friend you haven't seen or talked to in months, maybe even years, to make you feel special. to tell you that you haven't been forgotten. to tell you that they miss you, and that you're just as amazing as you make yourself out to be. friends. they're always there, you just have to let go sometimes, only for a little while, to realize the true beauty of your friendship. don't be so shy, so distant. we're all just waiting.

beautiful.

it's nice to feel the summer's heat upon my face again, laying on open grass fields with you, and holding your hand. my life is complete. with my camera in hand i am ready to catch every single moment of this. get ready world, here i come. i feel invincible.

passion: uncontrollable emotions that are wonderfully intense.

every time you come around. the distance between us that makes our love grow. the way the wind feels between our fingers when we're holding hands. the smell of your skin. the taste of your lips. the confused smile you give when you trip over your words. the way your favorite words fall from your mouth. the way you say my name when you're dead serious. the silly ways you catch my attention. the funny noises we've comprised as a new language. when you finish my sentences, and when i finish yours. when we say the same thing at the same time, especially "i love you." leaving sticky notes on my bedpost. the way you tell stories. how you run up to me as i arrive. the fact that you stay with me until i fall asleep. watching movies together. liking the same music. bickering with you over the music i don't like, but listening to it anyway. waking up to your face. forgetting what we're fighting about halfway into the argument. passion, intensity, and how absolutely perfect we fit.

i'll write you a novel.

the only thing to do these days, it seems, is to spend time with myself. boyfriend - too busy. friends - don't really have any. family - live with them (and you know how that goes). i sit in my room day after day, walk around the house sulking, no answer form the outside world except a bird chirp and the occasional text that is received on a weekly basis. how can i bring excitement and energy back into my life? how do i let go of the disappointment and anguish?

all of this time spent alone scares me a little. it brings out a side of me that i don't like to face. maybe i am a little crazy. i have all of this time to think, and thinking is exactly what i do. i overanalyze every bit about you. i overanalyze the things you say and do. i overanalyze my life and how i feel as if i am getting no where. i overanalyze the fact that i am alone. that even if i wanted to go out and participate in debauchery i have no where to go and no one to go with.

my life revolves around two, sometimes three, short-lived days. friday. saturday. occasionally sunday. every weekend it's the same routine. i can't complain about this because it is my life and i do with it what i please.

i want to move again. i want to start over. a new life, perhaps a new identity. i would still be myself, don't get me wrong, but i'd like to be a whole new person at the same time. an improved version of myself. someone people will get along with. someone who is intriguing. all of this will have to wait because i am still not ready.

i refuse to wait any longer.

i'm slowly falling down the rabbit hole. you should know that once i'm gone you won't be able to catch me. savor every last bit while you can.

you will get as far as you let yourself.

my mother always says that there is not a single person who can complain about life. the only thing that we can complain about, she says, is our health and the unfortunate illnesses that we might have to face because our health is the one thing that we can not totally take control of. other than health we have no reasons for complaining. there is not a single thing that we could not change if we wanted to. you can not blame anyone else but yourself for your unhappiness. if their is something in your life that burdens you, that makes you unhappy, that holds you back, then by all means do something about it. why waste time complaining when you can go out and make yourself happy. don't count on anyone else to do this for you because you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. i know that i am self-destructive. it is a very unfortunate flaw. although i also know that there are things in my life right now that do not make me happy. it is about time i start listening to my mother, and it is about time that i lift these heavy weights off of my shoulders. goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

waiting.

that terrible feeling of having been forgotten. who could forget such a pretty face? you wait and wait and wait, but no one ever shows up. where did they go? who would have ever guessed that they left you behind for a crowded room of smoke and mirrors. you knew all along things wouldn't work out, but yet you stayed. you stayed because your hope is bigger than the sky, and your love for him was enough to keep you going. he was your drug and you were his glamours addict of a girl. then when all the glitter and lights went away you were nothing special to anyone, or at least you were nothing special to him. you walked around the room waiting, and you liked to tell yourself that patience was the key to every relationship. you lit candles, placed rose petals delicately upon your bed, and then you waited with a bottle of unopened champagne. by the end of the night, after four hours of waiting, the bottle of champagne was empty and you found yourself on the living room fool in a puddle of wet tissues because you couldn't wait for him any longer. you walked lifelessly to the bed and went to sleep. in the morning you wouldn't have to wait any longer. in the morning you would finally be ready to let go.